32 weeks 4 days

My tummy is feeling very heavy now. Breathing is also becoming harder and I walk more like a penguin these days. Thankfully I have only a week left at work. I’m exhausted by the end of the day and I am really ready to finish now.

We had a growth scan last Monday and both twins are growing well. Their estimated weights are now 4lb 2 and 3lb 14 so I’m carrying over 8lb of babies around, which explains the tiredness and difficultly breathing.

Both babies are wiggling around a lot and respond when me and my wife talk to them. It still feels odd they will be born in less than five weeks and we will finally be parents.

We attended an antenatal breastfeeding class this week. It was all free and run by volunteers. They run support groups for new mums where you can get advice and socialise so we are going to go along when the twins arrive. They were able to give information on breast feeding twins which helped me get my head round how it would work.

I’ve had increased back pain and more braxton hicks this week so it feels like the are getting themselves ready. I’m hoping they don’t come to soon and at least wait until I finish work next week.


One year on from miscarriage

It was a year ago today that I was called by my ivf clinic to say my hgc levels had fallen and I would start miscarrying the pregnancy I had so longed for.

It had taken two fresh ivf cycles and four frozen transfers to finally get that positive pregnancy test. I went from the happiest I’d ever been to the saddest. It was devastating and I never thought I’d recover. People told me I should be grateful it was early (6 weeks), but I already saw my pregnancy as a baby. I already felt a bond and completely fell in love with my baby from the moment I knew it was there.

We laid flowers at the reservoir near our house, as we’d walked there the day before I found out I was pregnant. It seemed like the right place and we needed somewhere to go and remember. We still go there and take flowers and spend time just thinking of the baby.

A year on I am sat here with two wiggly babies growing in my belly. Our last two frozen embryos are now growing nicely in my tummy and I’ve made it to 32 weeks. It’s hard to believe I’m here and this is real. I never thought I’d get here and I’d pretty much given up hope.

I will always remember my first pregnancy. It will always be my baby and have a special place in my heart. I’ll make sure I tell our children about their brother or sister who never got to be with us.

30 weeks 4 days

There not too much to report. Things seem to be going well.

I’ve had my home visit from the health visitor and have finished all our antenatal classes.

We’ve booked in for a breastfeeding support class for pregnancy on 12th March. It’s free and offers advice and support, which you can access after the baby is born.

We’ve brought or been given pretty much everything we need. I suppose there has to be one advantage to taking so long to get pregnant. Everyone else has already done it and has lots of hand me downs.

I’m feeling pretty good at the moment. I’m tired, especially after work and I’m up at least three times a night to have a wee. There’s only 3 weeks left at work then about another 3 and a half weeks before they induce me, if the twins can wait that long. I’m hoping that they give me a few days at home to rest before they arrive.

28 weeks today

So I’m 28 weeks pregnant. Still can’t quite believe it.

I had another growth scan yesterday. Both twins are growing nicely and now weigh 2lb 5 and 2 lb 6. They are right on track. My next growth scan is in 4 weeks.

I also had my second antenatal class. We had to pay for our antenatal classes as our trust doesn’t provide them. It cost £70 for three classes, however we did get a few free bottles, nappies and some nappy rash cream. You also get tea and biscuits so it’s not to bad. The class is a bit basic and a lot of stuff I knew already but I suppose they have to cater for everyone.

Our nursery is now almost finished. The cots have been put together and everything is decorated. Just need a baby monitor and a lamp. I’ve sorted a lot of our old stuff to put on ebay to clear space for baby stuff.

I’ve got just 6 weeks left at work. I can’t believe how quickly things are going. My to do list is huge so I need to crack on and get on top of stuff in case I go into labour early. In ten weeks if they aren’t here I’ll be induced.

26 weeks 5 days

Both babies are growing nicely. I had a growth scan just over a week ago and they are right in the middle of their centile graph. I however seem to have stopped gaining weight and have stayed the same weight for the last three weeks. However as they are growing well this doesn’t seem to be an issue. My midwife has told me to eat an extra 350 calories a day instead of the normal recommended 200 in pregnancy, as I’m pregnant with twins. On the whole I’m managing this.

My tummy feels so full after I eat I have to eat smaller meals more often. There are also days where its harder to breathe. It seems to depend on how the babies are positioned.

Otherwise all is still going well. I’m able to still be relatively active and feel pretty good, although tired.

Thankfully my feet itching has eased off however this has been replaced by thrush. It seems I’m destined to itch one way or another.

We have sorted most of the nursery. We just need to pick up the cots, which will be ready to collect in two weeks time. I’ve also started washing all the baby clothes people have given us. All my friends seem to have had girls lately so I have two drawers of second hand girl clothes and half a drawer of boys stuff. We’ve decided we are probably having boys and they’ll have nothing to wear.

We also had a 4d scan last week. It was surreal to see them both. They made sure we didn’t see anything that would give the gender away. Our friends and family are torn between boy and girl and two boys. I’m also torn and can’t make my mind up. I think it’s hard to see from faces alone. I’m glad as I am looking forward to the surprise.

My hospital bags are all packed just in case they come early. I’m hoping they don’t. My plan is to work to 34 weeks, but we will see how that goes.

24 weeks and 2 days

Last Thursday evening I came home from work and had sore itchy feet. I soaked them in some water and thankfully they felt better. The next day I was on a course all day. I was sat on a horrible plastic chair and when I got home my back and hip hurt and my feet where hot swollen and itchy.

Saturday I felt better and the itching stopped so I put it down to swelling or an allergy. Sunday however the itching came back really badly and kept me awake. Obviously I googled it and saw itching feet and hands can be a sign of liver problems. So onMonday I called the community midwife office and they advised me to go to the gp and get a blood test.

I also spoke to my sister who is a midwife and she said it’s important to have a blood test, however itching can be because of other things. She had really itchy hands in pregnancy and her tests were normal.

The gp surgery managed to get me in Monday afternoon which was quick. I saw a locum doctor and he was really nice. He confirmed that I needed a blood test and ordered me one however, he could not do it and I had to see a nurse the next day. He did check my blood pressure and wee which were both normal. He did say itching in pregnancy is common.

My results came back today, as normal, so my liver is fine. My feet still itch but at least it is not anything serious.

Sleeping is getting hard. If I’m not itching, I’m getting up for a wee or suffering from cramp. I can’t get comfy however I position my pillow. The babies also like to have a party as soon as I lay down. I love feeling them, but night time seems to be there favourite time for moving. I suppose I need to get used to not sleeping for when they arrive.

22 weeks and 4 days

My tummy is getting bigger every day at the moment. My belly button is still an innie but only just.

I have found I’ve really enjoyed watching my body change. For the first time in my life I’m completely happy with my body. It’s making two babies and I’m really thankful for that.

I’ve had a lot of stretching sensations and my first pregnancy stretch mark. My tummy feels heavy now. My back has also been aching this week and at times has been really uncomfortable. I’m still getting restless legs in the evenings and cramp, especially in my toes. Both my sisters had restless legs and cramps in all their pregnancies and I have read it can run in families. I’m also quite breathless at times and I have to stop and rest to get my breath back.

Otherwise I’m feeling pretty well. I have found I need to slow down a bit. I have a stressful job and I’ve been trying to keep on top of all the cleaning at home, while also painting the nursery and generally running around.

My body however has been telling me I need to slow down.

The babies movements are a lot stronger now and have been waking me up around 5.30 every morning. I can see little vibrations across my tummy at times which is really surreal. We’ve been playing them music and talking to them. My nephew likes to sing twinkle twinkle little star to them.

I’ve started buying bits for my hospital bag. I have also been looking for offers on nappies and things so I can start buying stuff now to spread the cost out. I feel like I need to be organised in case they come early.

I have in my head that twins tend to come early and I was born prematurely at 28 and a half weeks. I think that has made me worry more. I keep telling myself just because my mum had all premature babies doesn’t mean I will. Both my sisters went to full term however no one in my family has had twins. However I have heard lots of stories from people who went to 38 weeks with twins and had to be induced as they were not showing any signs of coming. So I’ll just have to wait and see.

21 weeks 2 days

Today was my anomaly scan.

Both twins were measured from top to toe. The sonographer checked their organs, measured their heads, and checked their faces. He confirmed everything was looking normal and they are the right size. Their hearts looked good and they were both wiggling around.

We decided not to know the sex. I want it to stay a surprise.

It’s a relief to know that they are both OK.

My sister is a midwife so she’s listened to them with a doppler last week. My own midwife doesn’t listen to them until the end of this month and it seemed like a long time to wait. It’s handy having my sister around to ask lots of questions.

So far symptom wise I’m still feeling well. I’ve been having some stretching pains and the twins movements are definitely more noticeable now. I’m also finding that my stomach is really itchy.

19 weeks tomorrow

I’ve not written for a while. A part of myself is annoyed that I’m not writing things down. I’m sure there will come a time when I look back and wish I’d written down my thoughts and feelings.

So far I’ve been very well. I’ve not been sick and the nausea went at just passed 10 weeks. I feel healthy and well. I’ve been tired and I have a dry red patch of skin on my face that won’t go away but I feel pretty lucky so far.

As it’s twins I’m being checked every four weeks. Both twins are doing well and are growing and developing. I’ve seen my consultant twice and he seems nice. Unfortunately the clinics are always over booked and the waiting time for the appointments is around an hour and a half. I wish they’d just stagger the appointments better as waiting for hours isn’t ideal. The consultant has warned me that giving birth to twins involves a lot of people in the room. The image of giving birth just me and a midwife is not the reality for me but after all the poking and prodding I’ve had down there in the last six years I’m used to everyone looking at my bits.

The whole giving birth bit doesn’t seem to be bothering me yet. I worry about going into labour early or something being wrong but the actual birth I feel OK about. Hopefully it will stay that way.

I’m more obviously pregnant now as well. This has meant more people asking questions about what I’m having, are twins in the family etc. People have also started patting my stomach. So far I do not mind this and I’m honest about the whole ivf thing. A lot of people have told me their own ivf stories.

I’m also finding I’m enjoying the change in my body. I feel happy when I look in the mirror and see my body. My body doesn’t look like my body anymore but I like the way it looks and feels. I actually feel pregnant now. I think I finally feel that this is really happening after all this time.

13 weeks 5 days

So my pregnancy is out there in the world for every one to know. We told extended family on Monday and Tuesday. I told work on Tuesday and by Wednesday morning I was getting congratulations emails from people in other offices and departments. It’s strange how quick news travels.

It feels more real now and more exciting. I’m still anxious and every ache or pain makes me panic but I am trying to enjoy my pregnancy. I’ve had people come and rub my tummy at work now they know and I’ve had lots of advice. Some good and some not so good.

Today we decided to put the news on Facebook. I wasn’t sure at first about telling everyone online but I thought it’s pretty much out there anyway. I also decided to share the struggles we have had.

I’ve been honest about having ivf and not hidden it at all. Most people ask if twins are in the family as soon as I mention twins, however I’ve been clear they are here due to ivf.

I’ve had two people at work, who I don’t know that well, ask me about ivf as they are going through infertility. It’s always helped me to know I’m not the only person to go through infertility so if talking to someone else helps them, then I’m happy to talk about it.

One of the ladies I work with said she could see an angel on our scan picture. She told me her scan had the same thing and someone told her it was the angel of the baby she lost looking after her baby. I am not sure I believe in stuff like that but it’s a nice thought.

We did decide to lay some flowers today for the baby I lost. We never got far enough along to have a due date however the baby would have been due around mid November so we felt we needed to honour that. In my head the baby was a girl. I was always think of her and remember her.