To tell or not to tell

On my first ivf cycle I told all my friends and family.

As a consequence had plenty of offers to pick me up from the hospital (my wife does not drive), offers to sit with me during the 2ww and people to talk to when I felt stressed or sad.

The problem was when it didn’t work I had lots of people to tell. I felt horrendous and going over and over it with everyone was agony.

On top of that I found myself consoling others who were upset and disappointed. Suddenly everyone had advice on what I should or shouldn’t do. If I had a pound for everytime someone said just relax and the ivf will work, I’d be rich.

Instead of grieving I was putting on a brave face and carrying on as normal. Trying to smile while people told me all the things I should do next time.

I was internally all over the place and a right mess.

As a consequence it took me 7 months to feel ready to have anymore treatment.

On my two frozen transfers we told no one until the 2ww was over and we felt ready. This had its advantages and disadvantages. There were times when I needed the support. It was hard when my wife was at work and I was by myself.

As my next cycle is approaching I have thought about whether or not to tell. My thoughts at the moment are to tell a few people I know I can count on and trust.

Hopefully the balance will be right this time.

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