Test day

So here it is. Test day. The day I have been dreading.

I woke up this morning to my period. Seeing it was like a punch to the chest. I did a test anyway, just to confirm it in my head and it was negative, but I knew it would be.

Going to the clinic was the worst thing. I started crying as soon as I walked through the door. The nurse’s were great with me but it always seems worse when you step in the clinic. I felt bad crying while other people were waiting for their appointments.

My clinic is right next to maternity and I always find that hard. I always walk past women smoking outside the entrance with their pregnant bellies and feel angry.

The clinic called me back this afternoon to say I had very small amounts of hcg in my blood but to small to be a pregnancy however they need to monitor in case it’s an eptopic. They have said however the most likely thing is that the embryo started implanting but stopped very early on.

Strangely I feel a little better knowing that. There have never been any signs of implantation before so at least this is a sign that I could have an embryo implant one day.

Right now I’m going to just take care of myself and grieve.

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