Sharing the sorrow

I have always been private when it comes to discussing my infertility.

When my ivf has failed before I didn’t want everyone to know. I went to work and smiled and laughed like nothing was wrong and I’d finish the day crying in my car. The stress of hiding it all away was off the scale and it took me a long time to recover and grieve.

This time we decided we would let it out there. My wife posted something on Facebook about infertility and people started to ask questions. I replied honestly about our ivf and it felt good to talk about it without feeling ashamed.

Today I went back to work and told everyone. For the first time in my life I cried at work and it was ok. Nothing bad happened. I had support and kindness from people and it helped. I didn’t feel alone or stupid or weak. I was just me but a sad me.

I don’t know why I have tried to hide this part of myself. Only ever discussing my ivf months after it’s happened but in a way that made it sound insignificant.

I am happy that I decided to do things differently this time. Knowing I have many great people around me has helped me and will continue to help me as I deal with this again.

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