Looking for something 

I’ve booked into my biopsy to look for natural killer cells on Monday. In order to book in I had to track my ovulation and I was glad when I ovulated as planned. After my first ivf my periods were so out for around 6 months. 

Part of me is really hoping the find something. Anything at all. I just want to know why I can’t get pregnant. On paper I should be pregnant by now and the not knowing why I am not troubles a control freak like me. 

Before the biopsy I have to have details of my history so I thought I’d write it all down. It then dawned on me that I would be 12 weeks pregnant right now had my embryo stayed. That hit me hard and made me question whether I can do all this again. 

The biopsy results take around 6 weeks and once I have those I can book in to have my fibroid looked at/removed. So I know my frozen transfer is likely not to be until November or December at the very earliest. I have time to prepare and hopefully feel more positive by then. 

My feelings seem to be on a never-ending roller-coaster these days. 

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