This week I’ve felt exhausted. Physically and emotionally drained.
I’ve been holding it all together and to the outside world I’m doing just fine but it’s exhausting just getting through the day. Thankfully the bleeding from the miscarriage has stopped. I had a horrible moment on Thursday where the bleeding had almost stopped but then came back with a vengeance. I bleed through two pads in an hour and had to ask around the office if anyone had an extra large one so I could walk to the shop to buy more. Thankfully it stopped later that evening.
On top of all this I got a fine for accidently driving in a bus lane and then my wife motorbike was stolen. I started to think I might be cursed.
So I booked in for a full body massage as my body hurt so much. It was bliss. I also booked into my fertility clinics free counselling service. I’d really recommend this to anyone going through the ups and downs of infertility. It’s nice to talk to someone whose impartial and I know I’m a person that pushes everything down hoping it will go away. Talking it through forces me to let myself feel things.
However I did get some good news this week from work. I’ve managed to secure a permanent position at a higher level. So maybe I’m not really cursed after all . I have had to deal with lots of people congratulating me all week which has been surreal. There’s nothing like smiling and nodding while people keep congratulating you while your devastated about losing a pregnancy. However I have told some people which has made it easier to deal with.
Hopefully next week will be easier