Last week at a family meal my sister asked me about our future ivf plans. We were discussing my periods or more to the point the lack of since my miscarriage when my mother in law told us to stop talking about such things at the table. She wasn’t talking about periods, they were OK, but miscarriage. She said those things are to sad and shouldn’t be discussed.
I felt angry for a moment followed by sad. I know my mother in law had an ectopic pregnancy when my wife and her brother were teenagers and I’ve never heard her talk about it. My wife only knew of it years later when my father in law mentioned it. It made me sad that she feels this is to never to be discussed.
It made me think about miscarriage and how so many people keep it to themselves. Talking about my own meant a lot of people started discussing their’s and I found it helpful to discuss it. Knowing I’m not the only one and that this is something that does happen to lots of people, in all different situations, has helped me to stop blaming myself. Also I have spoken to people that both had children after miscarriage and those who never did. Knowing that either way it gets easier has supported me in my recovery.
My mum struggled with infertility with her first husband and spent 18 years trying for a baby. She always was honest with this when me and my sisters were little. We knew how wanted we were and I know I will discuss my infertility struggles and miscarriage with my children if I have any.