5dp5dt

After my last ivf I was pretty positive. I finally had a reason why I wasn’t getting pregnant (natural killer cells) and was on the medication to help. I felt positive in myself and believed this could actually work. A few days before I tested I looked at myself and thought you are pregnant. I dismissed it as stupid but in the end I was. However it wasn’t to last.

However this time I’m not positive. I’m not negative particularly but more indifferent. I suppose it’s my minds why of protecting me. It’s easier to lose something when you are indifferent to it. That sounds horrible but that’s how it feels.

Normally ever twinge or feeling I take as a sign I’m pregnant but this time I just shrug them off as medication, which from experience is normally what they are.

I feel bad for feeling like this. Like this will negatively effect the outcome but I can’t seem to shake the feeling off. I just don’t feel pregnant in any way.

3 thoughts on “5dp5dt

  1. I know those feelings. Don’t be hard on yourself though – you’re feelings are just feelings and you shouldn’t feel guilty. I had an old therapist who said ‘thoughts aren’t facts’ and it’s so true. I even had hypnotherapy to try and stay positive after a transfer and I was 100% certain I was pregnant (I wasn’t). The times I did get pregnant I’d cried and swore I wasn’t before I even tested! What’s so hard is the lack of control!!! I’m keeping everything crossed for you. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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