11 weeks 1day

Yesterday was my private scan. It was my first tummy scan as all my others have been internal.

I had to go with a full bladder, which wasn’t hard as my bladder seems to be full all the time.

The place was nice. The scan was done in a nice big room. There was a nice comfy chair for my wife to sit on and a big projector screen on the wall that showed the scan really clearly.

Both twins were doing great. One measured at 11 weeks and 1 day and the other at 11 weeks 3 days. They were both wiggling like crazy when the scan started. I saw both their hearts beating and there little hands and feet. Their faces were more defined and you could make out their noses and jaw line.

They normally only give you two pictures but as it was twins they gave us two of each twin.

The anxiety just fell away when I saw them and I was so happy that they were both OK. I am hoping I can now enjoy the fact that my morning sickness is gone rather than seeing it as a bad omen.

It’s only two weeks until I see them again on my NHS scan. Hopefully I will start enjoying being pregnant and stop worrying so much.

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10 weeks 4 days

The last few days I have felt more and more anxious. My morning sickness has eased off which has worried me. I have read that lots of women see their symptoms ease at 10 weeks and my morning sickness has been mild so far anyway but that doesn’t stop me thinking something is wrong.

I know I’m lucky not to feel sick all the time but sometimes I wish I felt ill so I felt more pregnant.

I have also been waiting for my NHS scan appointment. I was told they are busy so it may take another 3 weeks. This hasn’t helped the anxiety as I keep thinking I’ll never be able to wait that long. So we decided to book a private scan for Saturday just to calm my thoughts. It’s £40 and you get 2 pictures.

I get annoyed at myself for feeling like this. There are times I’m really positive but every so often the fear takes over.

Obviously as soon as we booked the private scan my NHS appointment came through the post for 30th October.

If all is OK at the NHS scan we will start telling people outside our immediate family. I’m hoping once I’m passed 12 weeks I’ll feel calmer.

9 weeks 4 days

Yesterday was my first midwife appointment at the GP surgery. It took about 50 minutes to go over everything. My wife came with me.

She took my blood pressure, weight and tested my wee. All three were good. I was asked a lot of questions about any genetic disorders in my family. Any previous operations and had to discuss the ivf and my previous miscarriage.

We had to fill in details about my wife however we didn’t have to answer details about her family genetics and we weren’t asked about the donor. There wasn’t a ticket box on the form for wife (only husband or partner) so my wife had to be classed as other on the form.

We were asked about alcohol use, smoking and drug use as well as whether we were on the child protection register.

My bloods where taken to test my blood count, for HIV and anemia. There was other stuff I think but I forget what. The results will be available at my next midwife appointment on 16th November.

I declined the test for downs syndrome. They give you a score which shows your risk. If your risk is high then they can test however the test can cause miscarriage. I wouldn’t risk the test and the results wouldn’t change things. I’d still go ahead with the pregnancy regardless so I decided to decline.

My 12 week scan appointment should come in the post sometime in the next two weeks. There’s no guarantee that the scan will be at 12 weeks and could be at 14. The thought of hiding this pregnancy until 14 weeks seems impossible. My stomach is already growing. We have looked at private scans nearby just in case we have to wait ages for the NHS one.

8 weeks 5 days

My second scan at the fertility clinic was yesterday. Luckily all is well and both babies are growing nicely. They also looked far more like babies this time rather than alien blobs. I saw them moving their arms and legs which was amazing. You could even see their finger bones developing. They wouldn’t both get in the scan picture at the same time.

I’m now officially discharged from the fertility clinic and am a regular pregnant person. My midwife appointment is next week and I’ll get my 12/13 week scan through the post at some point.

I still have to remind myself I’m pregnant even though I’ve seen them both on the screen it feels odd they are really in my belly.

My body seems to be really changing, which makes me feel slightly more pregnant. My tummy is rounded and my body is bigger in different places, however according to the scales I’ve not put much weight on. I put 3lb on as soon as I started the ivf meds and that’s stayed in place plus another 1lb since I’ve been pregnant.

My trousers are now all to small but luckily I tend to wear a lot of dresses. I don’t think the wind and constipation help with my swollen tummy.

My boobs are now bigger. I got measured and I have gone from a 34C to a 36D/DD. From the age of 14 to 25 I was a 34A and wanted bigger boobs so badly. I was so pleased when they went up to a B. Oddly all the ivf meds made them grow to a C and I’ve stayed at a C for the last 5 years. Now my boobs feel massive.

I’m still worried about losing the babies. Last time I was pregnant I worried about so many things: would my cat sit on the baby, how would we manage with money, would I poo when I gave birth and other stupid stuff. Having a miscarriage was something I hadn’t really considered.

This time none of the stupid stuff matters. All I care about is having these babies and not losing them. I worry every time I have spotting and every twinge makes me panic even though I’ve seen them both wiggling around.

6 weeks 5 days – my first scan

So today was my scan at the fertility clinic. I’ve been so anxious about it and I’ve thought of everything that could possibly go wrong.

The last week has seemed endless.

So here they are. Our twins

I saw both heart beats. One is slightly ahead and the other slightly behind but both in the normal range.

They are scanning me again on 28th then after that I’m discharged from the fertility clinic and just have normal services. I’m already booked into the midwife on 3rd October and my regular person scan will be at around 13 weeks.

I don’t know how people don’t go insane waiting from when they take their pregnancy test to 13 weeks without any idea what’s going on.

So far my symptoms aren’t too bad. My boobs hurt like crazy and occasionally I feel nauseous but not enough to put me off food. Yesterday I really fancied buying a chicken and mushroom pot noodle, throwing all the noodles away and drinking the juice. Not sure why. I haven’t eaten a pot noodle since I was a student. I didn’t buy one but it was a bit odd.

Otherwise I’m feeling good. Tired but good.

I still can’t believe I’m having a baby let alone two.

5 weeks 4 days

The last few days I’ve felt slightly nauseous. Not enough that it effects my day but just now and again. It’s not consistent and happens at different times of the day. I also have moments when I feel really really hungry.

I’ve found it comforting that I’m feeling something and keep hoping it’s a good sign.

My sisters were both very sick in their pregnancies and it worries me that I’m not the same. My mum however had no sickness at all so I know everyone is different.

I’m now also a NHS patient and get my medication on prescription with is a lot cheaper. I also need to pick up my midwife pack and get booked in for my midwife appointment between 9 and 11 weeks which all seems surreal.

I still need my scan at the fertility clinic on 14th September. It seems like such a long time away and I’m not sure if I’ll go mad by then.

This morning I had some spotting. As soon as I saw it my heart sank. My anxiety levels have increased and I’ve been waiting all day for the worst to happen. However so far just some spotting when I go for a wee. It started after my morning pessary so I’m hoping my pessary just irritated me. My clinic have said light bleeding is common and not to worry. Both my sisters had spotting and my mum had what she thought were periods for the first few months she was pregnant with me.

I’m hoping I can stay positive but I felt like I’m waiting for something to go wrong.

4 weeks 6 days

I still haven’t had much in the way of pregnancy symptoms. I’m light headed every so often and occasionally have a watery mouth but so far there’s been no sickness. I still don’t really feel pregnant. I wake up every morning at 5am feeling hot and needing a wee but that is it.

Naturally I was therefore convinced that it’s all going wrong. Last time my second blood test revealed that I was having a miscarriage and I was convinced the same would happen again.

Yesterday was my second blood test and I’ve been dreading it. I cried in the car on the way for the test as I thought it was all over.

Normally my clinic rings back with any blood test results before 2pm. The only time they rang after this time was when I had the miscarriage when they rang me at 4pm. I therefore decided that they ring late with bad news as the doctor must have to review the results. So 2pm came and went and there were no results. I was an anxious wreck by this point.

At 3pm my wife text to say she’d got hold of the clinic and that they were busy but everything is fine, they will ring with the results soon. What I found out after was that she’d been ringing them repeatedly since about 1.30pm but the nurses weren’t available. In the end the receptionist told her not to worry and everything was fine as she’d checked.

They finally rang just before 4pm. Obviously I had just gone to the toilet and missed the call. I got an answer phone message saying all is fine don’t worry and asking me to call back.

When I spoke to the nurse she confirmed all is going well. My hcg number is just over 2000. She did give me the exact figure but I was so shocked that it was over 2000 that I forgot the rest. I was then booked in for my scan on 14th September when I’ll be just under 7 weeks pregnant.

I feel like it’s all a dream at the moment. I still can’t quite believe it is real. Hopefully I can get through the next two weeks without being too much of an anxious mess.

4 weeks 2 days

So I’m 4weeks and 2days pregnant.

So far I haven’t really had any pregnancy symptoms. I wake up every night at 5am having a hot flush and I’m tired but otherwise feel no different to usual. I’ve also been moody however I’m normally moody like this just before my period arrives.

I have however been anxious about everything. Last time I was so excited to finally be pregnant that I never considered miscarriage would happen. I know it happens but I suppose I didn’t think it would happen to me. However this time I’m waiting for something to go wrong.

I have to keep reminding myself that if I hadn’t had ivf and was pregnant naturally then my period would only be two days late and most people wouldn’t have tested yet. Just because I haven’t got morning sickness or anything yet doesn’t mean things are going wrong.

I’m trying my best to be calm and I’m practicing mindfulness every day. I’ve also booked into acupuncture tomorrow so hopefully I can ease some of my anxiety.

My follow up blood test is on Thursday morning which seems like forever away.

Bfp

So it’s confirmed. The clinic did a pregnancy test which was positive which was a good start. My bloods were taken and they called a few minutes ago to confirm my hcg results were 189. It’s lower than last time but they are happy with the results. I also have to remind myself the test is a day earlier than last time.

I just have to stay relaxed now and hope that my levels keep increasing, which is easier said than done

8dp5dt – test day

So today is test day. One day early due to the bank holiday.

I decided to do a home test this morning and was awake on and off since 5am. I finally got up at 6.

Here is my test – please excuse my pj’s.

I was convinced it hadn’t worked. So sure it would be negative. Last time I was so excited to see a positive however this time I just burst into tears and couldn’t breathe. I think I was shocked.

I still can’t believe it’s positive.

My clinic appointment is at 10 and hopefully it will confirm things.

I’m scared this will end but I’m going to try and enjoy every moment I have. I still can’t believe this right now