19 weeks tomorrow

I’ve not written for a while. A part of myself is annoyed that I’m not writing things down. I’m sure there will come a time when I look back and wish I’d written down my thoughts and feelings.

So far I’ve been very well. I’ve not been sick and the nausea went at just passed 10 weeks. I feel healthy and well. I’ve been tired and I have a dry red patch of skin on my face that won’t go away but I feel pretty lucky so far.

As it’s twins I’m being checked every four weeks. Both twins are doing well and are growing and developing. I’ve seen my consultant twice and he seems nice. Unfortunately the clinics are always over booked and the waiting time for the appointments is around an hour and a half. I wish they’d just stagger the appointments better as waiting for hours isn’t ideal. The consultant has warned me that giving birth to twins involves a lot of people in the room. The image of giving birth just me and a midwife is not the reality for me but after all the poking and prodding I’ve had down there in the last six years I’m used to everyone looking at my bits.

The whole giving birth bit doesn’t seem to be bothering me yet. I worry about going into labour early or something being wrong but the actual birth I feel OK about. Hopefully it will stay that way.

I’m more obviously pregnant now as well. This has meant more people asking questions about what I’m having, are twins in the family etc. People have also started patting my stomach. So far I do not mind this and I’m honest about the whole ivf thing. A lot of people have told me their own ivf stories.

I’m also finding I’m enjoying the change in my body. I feel happy when I look in the mirror and see my body. My body doesn’t look like my body anymore but I like the way it looks and feels. I actually feel pregnant now. I think I finally feel that this is really happening after all this time.


13 weeks 5 days

So my pregnancy is out there in the world for every one to know. We told extended family on Monday and Tuesday. I told work on Tuesday and by Wednesday morning I was getting congratulations emails from people in other offices and departments. It’s strange how quick news travels.

It feels more real now and more exciting. I’m still anxious and every ache or pain makes me panic but I am trying to enjoy my pregnancy. I’ve had people come and rub my tummy at work now they know and I’ve had lots of advice. Some good and some not so good.

Today we decided to put the news on Facebook. I wasn’t sure at first about telling everyone online but I thought it’s pretty much out there anyway. I also decided to share the struggles we have had.

I’ve been honest about having ivf and not hidden it at all. Most people ask if twins are in the family as soon as I mention twins, however I’ve been clear they are here due to ivf.

I’ve had two people at work, who I don’t know that well, ask me about ivf as they are going through infertility. It’s always helped me to know I’m not the only person to go through infertility so if talking to someone else helps them, then I’m happy to talk about it.

One of the ladies I work with said she could see an angel on our scan picture. She told me her scan had the same thing and someone told her it was the angel of the baby she lost looking after her baby. I am not sure I believe in stuff like that but it’s a nice thought.

We did decide to lay some flowers today for the baby I lost. We never got far enough along to have a due date however the baby would have been due around mid November so we felt we needed to honour that. In my head the baby was a girl. I was always think of her and remember her.

13 weeks

Yesterday was my NHS scan.

The lady completing the scan was unfortunately not the happiest individual. When I told her it was an ivf pregnancy and that I already knew it was twins she was annoyed as no one had told her. My notes however was right in front of her and the fact it was an ivf pregnancy and twins were clearly written on it.

She completed the scan but there was no reassurance or explanation. She just went quickly from one twin to another taking measurements. She didn’t say what these meant. When I asked if everything was OK she did however tell me they were growing OK so this was good.

I was then rushed out and told to wait for my notes and due date.

I got my due date of 8th May. This is the date the fertility clinic gave me and they told me they just go with that date and do not look at measurements when getting a due date for ivf pregnancies. This puts me at 13 weeks today.

Thankfully the receptionists were a lot happier. They booked me in for my consultant appointment next Monday. As I’m having twins I need to be consultant lead. They also sorted out my bounty leaflets so I can pick up my packs and my folder for carrying my notes around. I also got my flu jab sorted while I was there. The flu jab nurse was also really lovely.

The receptionists were also cheery despite a lady complaining that she had been waiting for three minutes and didn’t want to wait any longer. My wife found this hilarious.

We got some good pictures of both babies. We had to pay for the pictures and they wouldn’t let us choose which ones we wanted so we just had to have the ones the unhappy lady chose.

We’ve now started telling everyone and I’ve told people at work. It’s nice not to have to feel like I’m hiding anything.

It’s another 8 weeks until my next scan on 28th December. Not sure I’ll make it that long. I’ll probably end up getting another private scan.

12 weeks

According to my own dates I’m 12 weeks today. My clinic have worked out I’m 12 weeks on Tuesday however my last scan put me slightly ahead of my dates so I would have been 12 weeks a couple of days ago.

I’ll get my dates on my scan on 30th and will know my due date.

I still can’t believe I’m at 12 weeks. I still have to remind myself I’m pregnant. My tummy is growing and my clothes are tight. I’m trying to hide it the best I can until I’ve had my scan and I’m getting excited about everyone knowing. It odd hiding something your so happy about.

As I’m now at 12 weeks it’s time to start coming of my medication. The clinic has told me to stop my estrogen tablets Tuesday. They have told me to just stop taking them and I do not need to come off them gradually which worries me. My fragmin injections also stop on Tuesday and I start taking a small aspirin each morning from Wednesday. My steroids are reduced gradually over 9 days so I feel more comfortable with that. My progesterone pessaries are still around until I get to 13 weeks and again I’ve been told just to stop them and not to reduce gradually.

It’s scary coming off all the medication and relying on my own body to do it’s thing. I’ve been on ivf medication since July. It’s taken over every morning and evening since then. I’m not sure what I’ll do with my extra time everyday

11 weeks 1day

Yesterday was my private scan. It was my first tummy scan as all my others have been internal.

I had to go with a full bladder, which wasn’t hard as my bladder seems to be full all the time.

The place was nice. The scan was done in a nice big room. There was a nice comfy chair for my wife to sit on and a big projector screen on the wall that showed the scan really clearly.

Both twins were doing great. One measured at 11 weeks and 1 day and the other at 11 weeks 3 days. They were both wiggling like crazy when the scan started. I saw both their hearts beating and there little hands and feet. Their faces were more defined and you could make out their noses and jaw line.

They normally only give you two pictures but as it was twins they gave us two of each twin.

The anxiety just fell away when I saw them and I was so happy that they were both OK. I am hoping I can now enjoy the fact that my morning sickness is gone rather than seeing it as a bad omen.

It’s only two weeks until I see them again on my NHS scan. Hopefully I will start enjoying being pregnant and stop worrying so much.

10 weeks 4 days

The last few days I have felt more and more anxious. My morning sickness has eased off which has worried me. I have read that lots of women see their symptoms ease at 10 weeks and my morning sickness has been mild so far anyway but that doesn’t stop me thinking something is wrong.

I know I’m lucky not to feel sick all the time but sometimes I wish I felt ill so I felt more pregnant.

I have also been waiting for my NHS scan appointment. I was told they are busy so it may take another 3 weeks. This hasn’t helped the anxiety as I keep thinking I’ll never be able to wait that long. So we decided to book a private scan for Saturday just to calm my thoughts. It’s £40 and you get 2 pictures.

I get annoyed at myself for feeling like this. There are times I’m really positive but every so often the fear takes over.

Obviously as soon as we booked the private scan my NHS appointment came through the post for 30th October.

If all is OK at the NHS scan we will start telling people outside our immediate family. I’m hoping once I’m passed 12 weeks I’ll feel calmer.

9 weeks 4 days

Yesterday was my first midwife appointment at the GP surgery. It took about 50 minutes to go over everything. My wife came with me.

She took my blood pressure, weight and tested my wee. All three were good. I was asked a lot of questions about any genetic disorders in my family. Any previous operations and had to discuss the ivf and my previous miscarriage.

We had to fill in details about my wife however we didn’t have to answer details about her family genetics and we weren’t asked about the donor. There wasn’t a ticket box on the form for wife (only husband or partner) so my wife had to be classed as other on the form.

We were asked about alcohol use, smoking and drug use as well as whether we were on the child protection register.

My bloods where taken to test my blood count, for HIV and anemia. There was other stuff I think but I forget what. The results will be available at my next midwife appointment on 16th November.

I declined the test for downs syndrome. They give you a score which shows your risk. If your risk is high then they can test however the test can cause miscarriage. I wouldn’t risk the test and the results wouldn’t change things. I’d still go ahead with the pregnancy regardless so I decided to decline.

My 12 week scan appointment should come in the post sometime in the next two weeks. There’s no guarantee that the scan will be at 12 weeks and could be at 14. The thought of hiding this pregnancy until 14 weeks seems impossible. My stomach is already growing. We have looked at private scans nearby just in case we have to wait ages for the NHS one.

8 weeks 5 days

My second scan at the fertility clinic was yesterday. Luckily all is well and both babies are growing nicely. They also looked far more like babies this time rather than alien blobs. I saw them moving their arms and legs which was amazing. You could even see their finger bones developing. They wouldn’t both get in the scan picture at the same time.

I’m now officially discharged from the fertility clinic and am a regular pregnant person. My midwife appointment is next week and I’ll get my 12/13 week scan through the post at some point.

I still have to remind myself I’m pregnant even though I’ve seen them both on the screen it feels odd they are really in my belly.

My body seems to be really changing, which makes me feel slightly more pregnant. My tummy is rounded and my body is bigger in different places, however according to the scales I’ve not put much weight on. I put 3lb on as soon as I started the ivf meds and that’s stayed in place plus another 1lb since I’ve been pregnant.

My trousers are now all to small but luckily I tend to wear a lot of dresses. I don’t think the wind and constipation help with my swollen tummy.

My boobs are now bigger. I got measured and I have gone from a 34C to a 36D/DD. From the age of 14 to 25 I was a 34A and wanted bigger boobs so badly. I was so pleased when they went up to a B. Oddly all the ivf meds made them grow to a C and I’ve stayed at a C for the last 5 years. Now my boobs feel massive.

I’m still worried about losing the babies. Last time I was pregnant I worried about so many things: would my cat sit on the baby, how would we manage with money, would I poo when I gave birth and other stupid stuff. Having a miscarriage was something I hadn’t really considered.

This time none of the stupid stuff matters. All I care about is having these babies and not losing them. I worry every time I have spotting and every twinge makes me panic even though I’ve seen them both wiggling around.

6 weeks 5 days – my first scan

So today was my scan at the fertility clinic. I’ve been so anxious about it and I’ve thought of everything that could possibly go wrong.

The last week has seemed endless.

So here they are. Our twins

I saw both heart beats. One is slightly ahead and the other slightly behind but both in the normal range.

They are scanning me again on 28th then after that I’m discharged from the fertility clinic and just have normal services. I’m already booked into the midwife on 3rd October and my regular person scan will be at around 13 weeks.

I don’t know how people don’t go insane waiting from when they take their pregnancy test to 13 weeks without any idea what’s going on.

So far my symptoms aren’t too bad. My boobs hurt like crazy and occasionally I feel nauseous but not enough to put me off food. Yesterday I really fancied buying a chicken and mushroom pot noodle, throwing all the noodles away and drinking the juice. Not sure why. I haven’t eaten a pot noodle since I was a student. I didn’t buy one but it was a bit odd.

Otherwise I’m feeling good. Tired but good.

I still can’t believe I’m having a baby let alone two.

5 weeks 4 days

The last few days I’ve felt slightly nauseous. Not enough that it effects my day but just now and again. It’s not consistent and happens at different times of the day. I also have moments when I feel really really hungry.

I’ve found it comforting that I’m feeling something and keep hoping it’s a good sign.

My sisters were both very sick in their pregnancies and it worries me that I’m not the same. My mum however had no sickness at all so I know everyone is different.

I’m now also a NHS patient and get my medication on prescription with is a lot cheaper. I also need to pick up my midwife pack and get booked in for my midwife appointment between 9 and 11 weeks which all seems surreal.

I still need my scan at the fertility clinic on 14th September. It seems like such a long time away and I’m not sure if I’ll go mad by then.

This morning I had some spotting. As soon as I saw it my heart sank. My anxiety levels have increased and I’ve been waiting all day for the worst to happen. However so far just some spotting when I go for a wee. It started after my morning pessary so I’m hoping my pessary just irritated me. My clinic have said light bleeding is common and not to worry. Both my sisters had spotting and my mum had what she thought were periods for the first few months she was pregnant with me.

I’m hoping I can stay positive but I felt like I’m waiting for something to go wrong.